Yesterday my parents, sister and I watched Broken- a film about an 11 year old girl called Skunk who's life changes after she witnesses a brutal attack on her neighbour- she also happens to have Type one diabetes and in the end, her diabetes becomes the very thing that nearly kills her after she's held hostage. The film is actually very touching by the end and a bit of a tear jerker- although I have never heard the F-bomb dropped more times in one sentence!
During the film as her dad is frantically looking for her he takes to the police for their help and in doing so he shouts "my daughter has Type one diabetes, and if she isn't monitored- she could die" This sentence actually sent chills down my spine because as much as it is scary to admit it, it's true. Sometimes, I find it strange how as a diabetic you can go from nearing a hospital admission one minute and then perfectly fine the next. It's literally like walking on a tight rope sometimes.
That's what I told my diabetic friend, Laura. This morning she was struggling to get her ketones down- this afternoon she is off enjoying a day out at Go Ape! and riding electric scooters. Just like that, everything changes. With diabetes it's like, you blink once and suddenly your blood sugars have gone up and down more times you can count and you've nearly fainted. It is just so delicate- the balance is so delicate that it's frustrating.
And the reality is, is that nothing you can do will fully control blood sugars. There are so many other factors that come into it and sometimes the odds are definitely not in your favour.
I see little adverts on the side of websites for diabetic shoes or, medicines to help neuropathy in diabetics etc. but I see it, and I move on. The thought doesn't linger, I don't think "what if" because, now is now. I try and control my diabetes in the moment and I like to live in the moment. It's like, the other day when I was sticking my head out of the window on a steam train, that was a moment and I was enjoying it. The future wasn't even a thought that slipped into my mind.
Although I am obviously afraid of what may lie ahead when it comes to diabetes, I try not to fear too much because for now, I am young and my diabetes is okay- I'm okay, and that's all that matters right now, right here.
When the film ended my parents said "Well that was good, not really the type of film to show parents of a diabetic child though!" We all laughed and I said "she was okay though!" and as I was saying earlier about seeing things and brushing them off- that's exactly what you do. It sinks in, the film sinks in and the reality of how much type one can bring you to the edge of death is scary. But afterwards, you move on. I feel like just because I have type one diabetes and the girl in the film does, it doesn't mean we shouldn't watch it. I like seeing it portrayed in films (and Broken actually does it right!)
It's like saying that we shouldn't watch a film with a cancer patient in it because my mum had cancer. But we do watch films like that and they're sad but not watching them is almost like shying away from any form of reality. I mean sure the girl in the film was kidnapped and of course we're not all going to get kidnapped (I hope! Oh dear, what if I jinxed myself, oh well guys it was nice knowing you...no i'm kidding) ha ha but on a serious note- she was still in DKA, a very real threat to all of us with type one diabetes and it is our reality.
I liked the film and it was very touching, and it was cool seeing her test her blood sugars- I must admit I got pretty excited when I saw her test her blood sugars.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is sometimes, you just have to face the things that you probably don't like to watch or hear- my parents were on edge towards the end and I know my mum had tears in her eyes. I suppose it's awfully scary for them to watch something like that when they have a type one diabetic daughter sitting right over on the other sofa. But, they liked the film so that's good.
All the things that we fear in our lives as diabetics are our reality- but just because it is reality it doesn't mean it will happen. The reality is the very thing that we face, but then do our very best to lock it away in a cupboard as we triumph in controlling our type one- sometimes we fail and it slaps us in the face but it's fine- just get back up again and dust your shoulders off.
This post probably doesn't make much sense and I'm really rambling on here, sometimes I just like to write down my thoughts in whatever order they choose to present themselves.