I was laying in the garden today, soaking up the sun- but not for long because after a while it begins to get unbearably hot and I just can't tolerate the heat well. In the evening my sister and I went over to my auntie's house and we had burgers on the BBQ which were fabulous, then I had to sit near a wasp and I was on edge- I couldn't get up and run for the hills like I normally do because my little cousin was on my lap and I didn't want to disturb her eating...my heart was pounding. My sister said to me "Ellie, sit still" No sorry I was ready to pass out!
Anyway, I haven't blogged for a while, I haven't really found much inspiration lately. But today whilst I was laying in the garden tanning myself in an attempt to eliminate the banshee chic that I've had lately...I had my headphones in and I was listening to music- jumping around when bees came and buzzed in my ear- smelling the amazing food that my mum was cooking and, in that time diabetes didn't pop into my head once.
But in those moments, I was at ease and thoughts of my blood sugars slipped from my mind and it was amazing.
Then another thought popped into my head "I am in control" Over the past few weeks I have managed to get fantastic control over my blood sugars, I lost it for a while and I was getting down about it and then my Hba1c came back at 11.3% but the fact that my consultant congratulated me on getting it down just gave me that extra push to do better this time. I can't, I just CAN'T lose control over it this time. I won't.
For a very long time I got used to feeling thirsty all the time, I almost got used to it and just got over it. In hindsight, I wasn't the way I am now that I have good blood sugars everyday. I have lots more energy and I feel sorry for my family because I probably drive them up the wall because most days I expel it by probably being quite annoying- but I don't care because they love me all the same!
I embrace the good days, I love the days that I don't have to drag myself out of bed because I'm low, I love the days that I can mess around and do things with my family- they make me forget about the bad days, the days where my blood sugar is high and I have no energy, or the days where my infusion sites hurt me, or I have ketones or I'm low all day. So, I smile!
I get up in the morning and smile (well I try) through all the lows, the highs, the infusion site changes, the finger pricks- what is the point of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself? I like to be positive. Sure diabetes is an absolute pain and I will have days where I will want it to go away and I still can't wait for the cure but for now, it will be OK. When I tell people I'm diabetic they say to me "I'm sorry" and I reply, "It's okay, honestly! It's hard and it's frustrating but my life could be so much worse- I have diabetes, but I can do all that you can do. Don't feel sorry for me"
My life with diabetes is what it is, and I accept it. Of course I will struggle tomorrow and the days after that but, if I have a blood sugar mishap I will go into the garden and do just what I did today- forget the struggles, forget the pain, forget I'm wearing an insulin pump- listen to my music and close my eyes and embrace my life and see the beauty in the world around me and do as best as I can with diabetes.
I'm young, I'm only fifteen, I need the moments where I can just be a teenager.
"The sun will catch our hope"
Here is a rubbish drawing of me punching diabetes the Negative Nelly away c: